Swamp Thing

Swamp Powers: 6/10

Manly Screaming: 8/10

Villain Design: 2/10

There is a belief that I hold firmly, which basically says that when the title of a movie is said within the movie, it makes said movie way better.  Since this pretty much always happens in superhero movies (Why, he’s some kind of super…man…), it didn’t surprise me to hear it in “Swamp Thing” (Capture this swamp…..thing…..), but I was more than happy that they threw it in there.  Good job Wes Craven.

This early comic book adaptation starts us of in, crazy enough, a swamp.  A local scientist has discovered a way to combine plant and animal cells, in order to create plantimals(my word, not their’s) which can grow and survive anywhere.  He is promptly betrayed by his head of security and forced to hand over his secret recipes, notebooks, and any other secrets he may have lying around.  The robbery goes bad when Mr. Lab-coat trips and covers himself in his own experimental fertilizer, lighting on fire and rushing to the nearest water source-the swamp.  He is presumed dead.

Well, guess what?  He’s not dead, fools!  He’s become the Swamp Thing and he’ll tear your face off with his super swamp strength!  The private militia that the head of security has put together starts to notice some strange things…like their men screaming and being thrown fifty feet.  The new intern from the lab, barely able to escape from the gunmen, finds that she is being protected by a mysterious green monster.  And the former head of security, who is actually an evil scientist(duh duh duuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh!), is trying to recreate the formula that created this “swamp thing” so he can use it to gain immortality.

It's a good thing that he has the healing power of swamps on his side...

 Set up to fall in a trap, Swamp Thing gets taken prisoner by that evil feller, and loses an arm in the process.  Meanwhile, his female interest is also captured and chained to the wall, leaving no one to help them but themselves.  Worse yet, Dr. Evil has finalized the mutation formula and taken it himself!  Rather than turning into some kind of plant monster, though, he becomes almost like a werewolf, and grabs a sword to finish of the look.  Swamp Thing grows his arm back with the power of sunlight, and escapes just in time to do battle with the blade-wielding bully.

After a series of scuffles where Swamp Thing knocks the dog on his tail, he finally gets serious and gives the guy a taste of his own medicine…..sword medicine!  Swampy gives the overgrown hairball a really close shave, and then returns to his damsel with news of victory.  He heals her with his special powers and then sets off into the swamp to do good….or whatever it is you can do in a swamp…..for the rest of his days.  Another hero is born, and the world is a little bit safer to live in.

It’s hard to beat a great movie like this, where even a dark and murky setting like a swamp is made to show the beauty and awe that exists in nature.  Also the killing.  Swamp Thing’s main attack is the full throw, with his special attack being a skull-crusher technique, very effective.  He doesn’t run, he saunters around, and he spends his free time screaming, all alone.  Ah, nature, what a wonderful thing.

And what a wonderful thing submitted movies are, so keep ’em coming!

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