Other Worlds: 2/10
Jack Black Drunken Cameo: 9/10
How many stories have I read that involve some kid getting a gift from his father or mother that turns out to be the key a great war or mystery? A few. How many of those stories did I want to punch the main character? None, until this one. Maybe it’s that I don’t like the main character of “Crossworlds” as an actor, or maybe it’s because the character is so spineless and whiny. Either way, it was annoying to put myself through that, at least until cool older people showed up.
Joe Talbot is a college kid who doesn’t want to party and is bad with the ladies. Everything is going blah until he spots a strange girl in the corner who says his name and then disappears. Spookular. Joe heads home to find the girl in his room, trying to grab the crystal he wears around his neck. It was a gift from his father, though, so he is a little reluctant to hand it over. Suddenly, men start shooting up his house, and his front door has become a portal to the desert. Getting rapidly confused, Joe runs with the girl to a motel, where they meet A.T. He is an awesome old guy who seems to know whats going on and doesn’t have time for ridiculous questions.
They all go to retrieve a staff that can unlock the crystals powers, and barely escape a trap set by the evil Ferris by jumping into…the ocean. They end up in Hawaii or somewhere like it, and talk about their mission-getting the staff and crystal to the Queen who will protect this world from Ferris. Great, let’s use the staff to transport to the Queen, since that is what its for…….nope. They have to go to Crossworlds, the point between worlds, and Ferris is already waiting for them. He sends Joe back to his house, and takes the crystal as a prize. Joe is left to believe this was all a bad dream…
One of Ferris’s men tricks Joe into leading them to A.T.’s motel/workshop, and the hunt for the staff begins…again. The jump into the desert, then to Crossworlds, then the desert, then some other places(I honestly don’t think they need the crystal, they keep transporting without it…) until Ferris finally gets the staff and the crystal! He is unbeatable….but nothing happens. He lets Joe play around with the staff, and then plays the “Guess who killed your father” game. Joe guesses Ferris, and he guesses right! With the power of rage on his side, Joe is able to use the staff to creat a black hole at the center of Ferris’s being, and suck him into himself. Boom. Now we can get this staff to the Queen and it will all be over. Hey Joe, wanna join the war against other dimensions? Great!
There was a lot of hope that this movie would have different cheesy worlds and weird dimensions, but they keep going to places on Earth. When you can open up dimensional gateways, don’t go to playgrounds in Florida or deserts in Nevada….go to worlds where snails rule with a slimy fist and there is a random cyclops just running around. Let me see the strange and horrible, the funny and freaky. Basically, cross some worlds, dammit!
Help me out with some requests! I’d appreciate it!