Wolfen POV Shots: 10/10

Snarling: 9/10

Throat Rips: 8/10

Apparently, I was asked to watch this movie because of a reference made in “Aqua Teen Hunger Force”.  I didn’t know what to expect, but I was thinking werewolves.  Seeing as how I named my dog “Wolfman”, I’m not opposed to the odd howl-at-the-moon silver-bullet werewolf movie.  What I didn’t know, though, was that “Wolfen” is actually more about super-wolves than werewolves, and one man’s quest to solve the strange murders that are occurring around the city.  Also, Edward James Olmos running around naked as Jesus……

A wealthy man and his woman are killed in a park while they stop to get some fresh air away from their limo.  Their throats are ripped out and heads are removed, lickety-split.  A homeless crack-addict gets de-headed in an abandoned building in a part of town that’s about to be renovated by the company of the wealthy man mentioned earlier.  A guy who really likes wolves gets eaten…..by wolves.  Or are they?  That’s what detective Dewey Wilson is damn sure going to figure out.  He apparently got removed from the force for being an alcoholic, but he’s the best detective there is, and he’s going to prove that he can solve a case a drink a whole lot in the process.

The strange thing is that the hair found at the scene of the crime is wolf hair, yet the wounds are often so clean it’s impossible to think anything could make them.  Also, the victims were eaten with the exception of their diseased body parts, as if the killer instantly knew what parts of the human apple were rotten.  The only people who might be able to give Dewey an explanation are the local Native Americans, led by none other than Edward James Olmos(it must be the summer so he has a break from teaching Calculus).  He explains that the Wolfen are ancient hunters that used to fight alongside the Native Americans, but then a great slaughter came and wiped out the wolves from the area.  They exist as legends that protect their hunting ground and maintain balance with nature.

I'm not really sure which face scares me more.

Well, guess what Big City?  The Wolfen are real, and they are pissed about the wealthy guy building on their hunting ground.  They killed him to save their land, the homeless guy for trespassing, the wolf-enthusiast for being a creepy wolf-enthusiast, and the police chief for being an ass.  When Dewey gets cornered by them, he finally believes the myth and devises a way to survive.  He lowers his gun to show that he is none-threatening(Predator style), and destroys a scale-model of the building project planned for the Wolfen’s land.  They accept him as an ally(I guess…they stop snarling after 10 minutes and then jump out of the window from the 40th floor), and Dewey is left to marvel at the power of nature…or spirits…..or super-wolves…..

You’ll notice how there is really no place in there where it would make sense for Edward James Olmos to get buck naked and run around acting like a wolf.  Yet, for a good 10-15 minutes, he does, and it is creepy.  I did enjoy the scenes with the Wolfen, when they were actually shown, as opposed to the 95% of the time that it was just some negative, slightly grained shot from their point of view.  All in all, definitely NOT a werewolf movie, but a good movie if you like wolves(and hate wolf-enthusiasts).

Thanks, Michele, I love the suggestions.  Glad I finally got this one out of the way.  Until I write again, keep up the bad movies, guys!

PS.  Here’s my dog, Also Wolfman(yes, his name is Also Wolfman), who is my own personal Wolfen.

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One Response to Wolfen

  1. Michele says:

    Not BECAUSE of ATHF, but that’s why I keep saying, “the wolfen will come for you!!!”

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