Witch Powers: 6/10
Here’s a movie that I’ve been meaning to get around to for a while…for reasons……shut up! I have no shame when it comes to movies about girls running around in ridiculously short skirts and killing people with their feminine wiles, what of it? No, it’s not Jennifer’s Body, though with the lack of “good stuff” in Tamara, I wish it were. This one just involves revenge, and the ability to control people with a single touch. Sounds cool, but it comes with a blind spot, I guess. Anyway, it made it here, so that should say something.
Tamara has a couple big problems. Her teacher, whom she is in love with, has published her paper about steroid use in her school, and now the entire football team wants to kick her ass. Her dad is an alcoholic, she’s not the prettiest girl at school, and she’s constantly being bullied. When she gets a call from her teacher, asking her to meet him in a shady motel in the night, she doesn’t question it. I should probably mention that she practices witchcraft, and performed a love binding spell on her teacher, so she just thinks she is that good of a witch.
The spell required her to spill her blood, though, and she just couldn’t do it. When her midnight rendezvous turns into a mean-spirited prank by the local jock squad, she gets some fire in her and fights back. Big mistake. She gets “accidentally” thrown onto a table and cracks her skull open. When the group(some of whom had no clue what was going on) realizes she is dead, they do what all kids in movies do when someone dies, they bury the body and vow never to talk about it. They spilled her blood, however, and now her spell is complete.
She comes back from the dead(of course) and begins to wreak havoc on all of those involved in her burial. She forces the jocks to bang each other, the hot bitchy girl to throw up and then eat as much as she can, the nerdy guy to cut himself to death, and so on and so on. Even though she can read everybody’s minds when she touches them, she fails to see that one girl has been on her side the whole time. When she discovers this, she has a moment of regret and realizes what a monster she has become. Her spell binds her to her teacher for as long as he is alive, though, so the only way to kill her is to kill him. He understands this, and figures out that he has to kill himself to stop the madness, so he grabs her and does a swan dive off of the roof. Her witchcraft book gets taken by the hot bitchy girl, and we can assume that it will all happen again.
How can you have a movie like this with no nudity? OK, that sounds creepy on my end, but hear me out. This movie was pretty stereotypical and predictable, and yet they didn’t have the obligatory sex scene. It’s like making brownies and forgetting the sugar….or some other sexy ingredient. Oh well, I guess it doesn’t matter really. When all is said and done, Tamara was decent enough to be a good first-date-first-base movie, so for all of you teens out there trying to cop a feel, there ya go.
Until next time, kiddies, keep watching the bad movies! And as always, I love suggestions for movies to watch, and I’m sorry if it takes me a while to get to those suggestions! Send ’em anyway!