Bad Scary Movies For A Bad Scary Night-Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween everybody!  Easily one of my favorite holidays (next to my birthday which should be celebrated nationally) is the night of Halloween, where kids get to dress up as their favorite heroes and women get to dress up as their favorite strippers.  I have to say that my favorite costume this year was a guy in a home-made Duffman costume, complete with beer belt.  If you don’t know who Duffman is, shave your head and put a target on it so I know where to punch. 

Anyway, aside from all of the greats of All Hallow’s Eve, including Jason, Michael Myers, Freddy, and Skeleton Jack, there have been others.  Movies that, I’m sure, have become staples to some people, but fall into obscurity outside the realm of the cinematically experienced.  I dedicate this entry to all the bad scary movies, but here’s my top picks for a fun Halloween:

Killer Klowns From Outer Space

Extreme Silly Straw Action: 9/10

Creepy Cotton Candy: 9/10

Murderous Clowns: 10/10

Basically, the title says it all.  For those who have never watched this before, shame on you.  And for those of you terrified by clowns……HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Leprechaun

Non-Intimidating Bad Guy: 7/10

Quirky Behavior: 9/10

Ridiculous Amount Of Sequels: 10/10

There is a Leprechaun movie out there for everyone, whether you live in upscale New York, da hood, or even in space.  The movies don’t make a whole lot of sense, but that little guy is adorable when he’s killing!

The Toxic Avenger

Voice Acting: 10/10

Toxic Powers: 8/10

Love Story: 8/10

Find out the origin of the Toxic Avenger, and how he came to help clean up New Jersey(as if that could ever happen).  If he were real, Snooki would be the first on his mop-list with a big high-five from me.

Elvira: Mistress Of The Dark

Eye Liner: 10/10

Revealing Outfits: 8/10

Bouncing: 10/10

Elvira is, much like myself, a bad movie critic.  The main difference between her and I is that I don’t have huge…….eyes, but we both look good in heals.  Anyway, this is her debut film, and its….pretty bad(yet you can’t look away for some reason….).

The Frighteners

Special Effects: 9/10

Friendly Ghosts: 8/10

Bad Guys: 10/10

Who wouldn’t love to see Michael J. Fox fighting ghosts?  This movie is funny and scary, though probably more on the funny side.  It’s a great one for kids, or people who just don’t like scary movies that much.

Midnight Meat Train

Vinny Jones Being A Badass: 10/10

Gratuitous Violence: 8/10

Overall Creepy Tone: 8/10

From my favorite Japanese Director, Ryuhei Kitamura, comes this little gem about a madman that kills people on a subway late at night.  Why is he doing it?  And where is he putting the meat? (That’s what she said)

Phantasm

Randomness: 9/10

Creepy Cemetary: 9/10

Confusing Ending: 8/10

This movie has all the makings of a classic, but doesn’t make a damn bit of sense.  Bright side: random crap comes out of nowhere and just stabs people in the face.  Also, killer midgets(9/10).

Teen Wolf

Scary: 0/10

Funny: 5/10

What Are You Looking At, Dicknose?: 10/10

Who hasn’t seen Teen Wolf?  Just a story about an all-American kid that wants to be a basketball player and have a hot girlfriend, all of which can happen if he abandons who he is and becomes a werewolf full-time.

Fire In The Sky

Creepy Aliens: 10/10

Scary Abduction: 10/10

Nightmares Afterwards: 10/10

This is, to me, the scariest movie ever(once you factor in my irrational fear of aliens, that is).  Just some good old boys who disappear, and then show up again after some time has passed not remembering where they were.  At least, not remembering right away…

Tremors

Bad Accents: 9/10

Scary Monsters: 5/10

Gun-Crazy Maniac Who Saves The Day: 10/10

What would any movie list be without a Kevin Bacon film?  This movie tries to be scary, but the scary parts don’t outweigh the cheesy Kevin Bacon parts.  Throw it on at a party, since if people are watching movies at your party its lame anyways.

Just for the record, these are in no particular order, and I didn’t include movies that I have already reviewed(which is largely bad horror movies).  If you want to go through my history for more, might I suggest the following:

  • Teeth
  • Critters
  • Puppet Master
  • They Live
  • Black Sheep

OK, folks, I hope you have a fun Halloween, and for all those kids out there who check their candy before they eat it, I give this advice: get a job and stop begging.  If you have other bad movies that you love to watch around Halloween, I’d love to hear about them!  Drop me a line, send me a comment, or join my Facebook Page for “Bob’s Bad Movie Blog”!  Keep watching those bad movies, they are out to get you!

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