Tank Girl

Outfits: 10/10

Fun With Tanks: 8/10

Use Of Animation: 9/10

There were so many great and campy movies from the 90’s that I just can’t wait to watch, and ruin, for my blog.  True, Tank Girl doesn’t really stand out in any special sort of way (except that someone convinced Ice T to dress up as a Man-garoo), but it does highlight the screechy voice and spunky attitude of Lori Petty, who pops up in the 90’s like a rash, and vanishes just as quickly(not that I have any experiences with rashes…).  Based on the wild and loveable character from the comics, Lori Petty brings Tank Girl to life with her own outrageous persona (that’s another word that will make you sound like a douche, FYI) and lands a spot on my not-so-exclusive blog.  Cheers.

It’s the future!  Guess what, kiddies?  There’s no water(Mad Max style), and the world is run by the corrupt Water & Power Company(like in Solarbabies) led by former droogie, Malcolm McDowell.  So where does Tank Girl fit in?  Well, she starts out as a tankless girl, scavenging the desert for a gift for her boyfriend.  She lives in a house in the middle of a wasteland, where her friends have a garden for the sole purpose of siphoning water to live…and it’s illegal.  When W&P finds out, they send a gun squad to kill everyone and destroy the garden(totally not overkill), except for Tank(less) Girl, who they force in to slave labour.

Some birds were not meant to be caged.  No matter what kind of torture that they force her to endure, she refuses to give in to them, and remains a tameless stallion(much like myself).  She soon becomes friends with one of the inmates, attractive mechanic Jet, and hatches a plan to steal a tank(finally becoming Tank Girl), which goes off relatively without a hitch.  Tank Girl and Jet Girl begin to travel the desert looking for “The Rippers”, a secret group of rebels who fight the W&P, and are surprised to learn that they are actually half-kangaroo/half-human mutants designed to be the perfect warriors.

Why the hell did Ice T (the one on the far left) think this was good idea?

The Rippers (Ice T reluctantly included) agree to help them attack W&P head on in the hopes of taking them down for good(also, Tank Girl needs to rescue a kidnapped little girl).  When they break in to W&P headquarters, they are shocked to learn that this has been the plan of Kesslee (McDowell) the entire time, using Tank Girl to flush out the Rippers so that he could eliminate them for good.  The Rippers fight their way through guard after guard (using their special kangaroo powers) while Tank Girl goes off in search of the little one, who has been placed in a pipe that is slowly filling up with water.  To rescue her, Tank Girl must first defeat Kesslee, who has become part machine and part hologram by this point.  It’s tough, but thanks to her tank responding to her commands via whistling, she is able to catch Kesslee off guard and dump water on him(his only weakness).  They destroy the W&P and free the world’s water supply, making it a great place to live again.  The last 5 minutes are animated in the style of the comic, as are the credits, and when it’s over you wish that you had a tank of your own.

Is Lori Petty hot?  No.  She has that lesbian gym teacher quality about her that takes away from her hotness, so I think that this movie was the closest that she ever got to being a sex symbol.  Still, she has her moments(when she’s not making out with the one Ripper that used to be a dog), and Jet Girl (Naomi Watts) isn’t that bad either.  The tank isn’t highlighted enough, but it does have some cool parts where it kicks an appropriate amount of ass, so I can’t really complain about it.  Everything else is in good proportion, and Malcolm McDowell plays the bad guy well enough(though I think we can all agree that his greatest role ever was that of Dr. Tolian Soran in Star Trek: Generations).  Go out and watch this for a fun movie that requires very little thought, and then go buy a tank of your own to trick out and attack utilities companies(send me pictures, please).

Until next time, my little droogies, keep watching those bad movies or you will feel the wrath of my mighty………words.  You should be scared.

Ice T? Either is more awesome than a "Ripper".

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3 Responses to Tank Girl

  1. NOBODY takes the plot seriously – the entire cast knows how wierd this looks and continually seem to provide meta-comments to that effect. I must confess – Ive never seen the comic strip that Tank Girl is based off but I cant imagine its as zany as the the movie is. Rumors say that the casting director thought she looked too much like a Butch bulldyke.

  2. Brie E. says:

    Oh please I love this movie

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