Bad Guy’s Aim: 0/10
Woman VS. Sexbot Paradox: 10/10
I really need to start categorizing my movie reviews better, now that I have a sizeable collection starting to pile up. I think a category that I need to add is “Post-Apocalyptic Movies”, which seems to be a pretty common theme among bad movies across the board(that means you too, The Postman). Definitely included is the futuristic thrill ride Cherry 2000, a charming tale about a man who just wants to get his robot wife fixed so that he can have sex with her on the floor again. Man wants little and is easy to please, after all. So why doesn’t he just go on eBay and order a new one? Well, it’s just like the old saying, “they don’t make ’em like that anymore”.
Sam Treadwell didn’t know that when he was making out with his robotic girlfriend in a pool of soapy dishwater that she would short-circuit. How could he know? The big shock, however, was that his particular model of mechanical minx was discontinued, and after that the product quality went down the drain. Sam can’t settle for anything less than the best when he gets the robo-fever, though, so he takes her memory disc(that’s like a SIM Card, kids), and begins his search for a replacement model(he should have gotten the extended warranty). He travels to a town called Glory Hole and finds a tracker that agrees to help him find the rare Cherry 2000 model that he so desperately seeks. That tracker is E. Johnson(played by the non-threatening Melanie Griffith), and even though she thinks it’s stupid for a man to love machine, she can’t argue with his cash or his commitment.
Their adventure begins by being chased out of town(that memory disc that Sam has is apparently very valuable), only to be shot at when they reach their first checkpoint. Luckily, the bad guys in this movie have worse aim than I do after a night of tomfoolery, and E. Johnson is able to drive through a make-shift barricade while killing fools in the process. They continue driving through the desolate landscape that becomes all post-apocalyptic movies until they reach what I can only assume is the Hoover Dam, and then trick the gang that controls it into giving them a lift across(i.e. the most ridiculous part of the movie). Once safely on the other side(despite gun/rocket/bazooka fire), they meet E. Johnson’s mentor, Six-Finger Jack, who takes them in and agrees to help them on their quest. Also, he has a thing for toaster ovens.
Cactus Jack takes them to an old friends house where they can borrow a plane, but the old friend turns out to be a traitor. E. Johnson is able to get the plane started, but not before Six-Finger Jack is killed and the leader of the local gang is hot on their tail. They fly into Sector 7 (Las Vegas) where the sexbots are said to be, and quickly go out in search of the Cherry of title. Lester, the gang leader, tracks them down and wants blood(I may have glazed over the fact that they burned down his home/camp). He sends some men in to the warehouse where they are activating Sam’s new Cherry unit, and the bullets start flying(and missing). Sam and Johnson make it back to the plane, but it’s too heavy to take off with Cherry in it, so Johnson dives out to fend for herself. Sam tries to leave her, but he finally realizes that he wants a real woman, so he dumps the robimbo and saves E. Johnson, who isn’t pissed that he almost left in the first place. They kill Lester and run off to be together…presumably.
This idea of the future was a little different. Apparently, when you go to a bar (that has a vagina-door) it’s like a job interview, and if you want to get laid, then you have to bring a demo reel and sign a contract. Fun. The most annoying part of this movie was that every other line out of Melanie Griffith’s mouth had to do with the fact that she wasn’t a robot, and how Sam should stop trying to love a machine like a real person. If that is the kind of nagging you get with a real woman, then I can see why it took so long for Sam to finally decide against the electronic variety. This movie was paced very well and kept me pretty entertained, so I have to say that I recommend it for a fun little watch. If you hate, and then you get mad at me for suggesting it, then may I suggest you go suck an egg(or tell your Gramma to suck an egg, Ren & Stimpy style).
Thanks for stopping by, and I hope to see you all again. Until next time, watch bad movies so we know what to stay away from in the near-post-apocolyptic future.