Mutant Hunt

Outfits Of The Future: 2/10

Robot Difficulty: 2/10

Sunglasses: 9/10

I’ve never been one to shy away from the following words in a movie description: robot, cyborg, mutant, future, killer, only one man can stop them.  OK, that last bit was actually a string of words, but I stand by them as being awesome, too.  That’s basically the set-up for Mutant Hunt, a not-so-classic story about a city under attack from robots gone wild in the leather-clad future.  The only people who can stop them are a band of former mercenaries led by the legendary Matt Riker, and the scientists who helped to develop the robots in the first place.  The odds sure are stacked against them…

It kicks off with the introduction of Z, an apparently evil guy who has just done something really naughty…and weird.  He gave drugs (euphorion) to some of his experimental new robots, the Delta 7’s.  The Delta 7 models are 5 times stronger than the Delta 6 models were, and they wear snazzier jumpsuits(it was made in the 1980’s, after all).  When given euphorion, the drug degrades their programming somehow and turns them in to murderbots who have to kill every 6 hours.  Also, they are telepathic(no joke).  Dr. Paul Haynes and his sister, Darla, are outraged that their creations have become evil, but when they attempt to form a plan, they are ambushed by the Delta 6’s (or 7’s….its hard to tell them apart sometimes).  Darla is able to escape, and Kyle tells her that she just needs to find one man who can help them.  That man is Matt Riker.

Darla arrives at his apartment being chased by 2 Delta 6’s, and what follows is the worst fight scene I have ever witnessed.  Not only does Riker fight in his tidy whiteys, but he goes through several different weapons which he apparently can’t use until he finally lands on a crossbow and a lamp(it’s plugged in, don’t worry).  After defeating them, Darla explains the situation, and then a Delta 7 busts in to fight with Riker for five minutes.  After another terrible fight scene, Riker grabs a laser gun that has been on his dresser the whole time and shoots the Delta 7 in the face.  By Darla’s calculation(3 minus 1), there are two more Delta 7’s on the loose.  Riker rounds up his friends and everybody gets convenient tracking systems that can pinpoint the location of the Delta 7’s anywhere in the city, so the hunt begins.  While they are out finding the remaining robots, Darla stays in for a nice hot shower, but when she comes out to get dressed, she is kidnapped by the Delta 7 that was shot in the face, and taken back to the lab.  Luckily, Riker can also track her, so after the group (easily) defeats the Delta 7’s, they all race to the lab to rescue Darla.

He literally will kill you with one hand behind his back.

When they arrive, they learn a startling and pointless fact.  It would seem that the Delta 7 that kidnapped Darla doesn’t want to kill, he only wants to be repaired because he feels pain.  They only have seconds to contemplate this before they are attacked by the ultimate killing machine: a Delta 8!  Developed by some junkie that apparently knows Z, the Delta 8 is by far the hardest challenge they have had to face thus far.  But what’s that coming out from the dark corner?  More Delta 7’s!  And Z!  It’s battle royale time, and everybody is getting in on the action!  This fight scene is slightly more entertaining than the previous ones, but only slightly.  They defeat the robots and save Darla’s brother, Kyle, in the process.  Z is injured pretty badly, but is able to fire one laser shot in to Kyle’s arm.  Z then passes out from loss of blood, and Riker lights him on fire while he lays defenseless on the ground(very heroic).  The nightmare is over, and everybody is safe to walk the seemingly deserted streets once more.

Ridiculous ending!  Not only does our hero shoot a man while he’s down, he jokes about it afterwards.  Brilliant.  His friends are great, by the way, since I didn’t really describe them all that well.  There’s a stripper that apparently has won combat awards, and a black guy who knows kung-fu and likes to walk around late at night eating Chinese food.  Like I said, the fight scenes are poorly choreographed, and the robots go down really easily.  The script is terrible and the bad guy is a joke, so really, there is no redeeming quality about this movie save for the fact that almost everyone where’s sunglasses.  I say stay away from this one, because technically there aren’t even any “mutants” in Mutant Hunt, and when the title lies to you, you should take it as a hint.

OK folks, until next time, keep watching those bad movies.  You might regret it if you don’t….for realsies.

Shoulder Padness Madness!

They wear their sunglasses at night so they can so they can...(no one knows the words past this part)

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