The Mighty Canines: 9/10
And yes, it’s a double feature!
Special Mouth Effects: 2/10
Stupid Ending: 9/10
Yeah, it’s once again time for a little 2-in-1, you lucky so-and-sos! This request half-heartedly comes from a local Denny’s, where the waitress that always used to give me endless refills (before she up and quit!) mentioned The Dentist 2 as an all-time bad movie. Well, first, I knew it was right up my alley, and second, I knew I had to watch both movies (otherwise I wouldn’t know why a dentist would want to kill people….) and write another double feature for my undying (and always lying) fans. Granted, I already hate the dentist as it is, so I was excited to see how my fears and angers would translate to a psychotic killer(as I’m sure we all are…)…
The Dentist introduces us to Dr. Feingold, a great dentist (duh) with a beautiful home, a gorgeous (7/10….or “worth a mixed drink” on the Douchebag Barfly scale) wife, and a promising practice. Each dental room at his office has a different theme, and he takes care with each patient to make sure that they are comfortable. One day, he realizes something is wrong when his wife strikes up a conversation with the pool boy(cliché detector activated!) wearing only a robe, and comes away with pool sludge on her arm. He pretends to leave for work, and sneaks back home to discover that his pool is not the only thing getting serviced(zing!)!
Suddenly, everything in his world is filthy and disgusting, especially all of his patients! His first victim, a little boy, just gets a little stab in the mouth. Next, a young model, gets a groping while under gas(in his defence, she turned into his wife in his head). When the easy stuff is over, he decides to really get serious. He chokes out one nurse, Novocaines another nurse’s brain, uses spreader’s(I don’t know what they are really called…) to open the jaw of a greedy IRS agent beyond repair, and performs a full extraction of his wife’s teeth and tongue. You know why the cops start to come after him? Because he shoots a dog in the beginning of the movie. Don’t get me wrong, that deserves hard time, but still….anyway, he finally gets brought down by a woman singing opera(he collapses to his knees at the beauty of her voice….lame), and gets put away for a long time in a mental institution. Oh, and now he hates the dentist.
Where do you go from there? Well, in The Dentist 2: Brace Yourself, Dr. Feingold manages to escape from the mental institution and run away to a little hick town called Paradise, where he has apparently created an alter-ego for himself named Mr. Kaine. His plan is to lay low and relax in the comfort of a small town, but things quickly go south when he kinda-sorta murders the only dentist in a 70-mile radius. The town of Paradise decides to make Mr. Kaine their new dentist, and he is back in the murdering saddle. Little does he know that his ex-wife has recovered and is a little pissed off. She has hired a private investigator to track him down for her, and when she discovers where he is, she plans to get her revenge eye-for-an-eye(or tongue-for-a-tongue) style!
The newly appointed Dr. Kaine wastes little time transforming his new office space into his old office space, and even less time finding that urge to kill that he was trying so desperately to bury. He chokes out Glenn Howard(Ron Howard’s hideous brother, if you didn’t know), uses every dentistry tool imaginable on a poor secretary, axes a construction guy in the back, and manages to maintain a relationship with his landlord/girlfriend (busy hands are the dentist’s playthings). When his ex comes into the picture, he is at first seduced into her waiting scissors, until he snaps out of it and realizes that she is unfinished business. Then his new girl comes and helps stop the crazy ex, until she finds all of the dead bodies…A little chase scene occurs, and she shoots him in the face with a nail gun about 20 times. Does this stop him? Nope! He gets up and walks into his office’s lobby, where the townsfolk have prepared a surprise party! I think they end up a little more surprised than him, and he drives off into the night…..pulling nails out of his face…..
All in all, I felt that both movies were boring and not worth the effort of paying attention. The first one was a little more serious and scary, where as the second one felt more free to explore the premise of a psychotic dentist. Nothing bad can really be said about Corbin Bernsen, who plays this role as perfectly as you could want it to be played, but it’s really hard to take much else in the movie as being believable or downright plausible. Let’s be honest, at some point you are just going to pass out from pain when some is drilling your face off (or just die from shock…), so some points were lost for me. If you don’t have a dentist appointment coming up and like campy murder ideas, then sit down with some mouth wash (you’ll know why when you watch it) and have fun!
Thanks again to the Denny’s Waitress for the suggestion, I’ve seen this one on the shelves at local video stores for years, and it is a great relief to be done with it. Until next time kids, keep watching those bad movies I’ll kill you.
P.S. Not really(but yes really)
P.P.S Bicuspids(couldn’t forget about you guys!): 8/10